today was just one of those days that i wanted to sit down and bury my face into my palms and let tears slowly fall. not one of those sobbing preteens you see when their 2 week boyfriend breaks their oh so fragile heart, but just a calm flow of tears, to cleanse and reflect on all my frustrations/worries/struggles/internal loneliness. all these things sound so ridiculous since i have so much good in my life and in mind; all of this very true. i am a blessed person who honestly is spoiled and i pretty much get everything i want and i work hard for everything i have. for instance, every piece of clothing i am wearing today has come out of my little pockets, for i still wear children's jeans, and those pockets are pretty small. i'm currently up all alone in my apartment, thinking. i just want to write everything i'm feeling and send it in an email to a higher power for some sort of advice? i don't even know what i want. just i guess an open ear and mind.
but for now, i'll just recap on what i've been up to since my hiatus. i have moved into an apartment in san francisco, with two of my friends, both incredible spirits. my room is all decorated to exactly how i wished and it will probably be ever changing, just as my tastes and inspirations. i have been working pretty much every day since i've been here and me keeping busy has been good, but much a cause for my stresses and my current peculiar depression. i would so love a different job, but in this economy and in this great city, i'd rather not take any chances. at least not until i can land a job i know i'll keep and want to keep for a long time. i can't help but to constantly think that i need my career to start now, so i can fully enjoy everything about the broadcasting industry and travel all i can while i'm young and be daring, and outspoken and inspirational before i'm forced with the facts of getting married and settling down. i can't settle down until my adventurous spirit wants to take a break from high adventure. so many emotions. did i mention i'm in a perfect relationship? according to tammy, i'm set for life. and my life will and is perfect. her life must really suck if mine is perfect.
i've begun to read eat, pray, love and i find it quite intriguing and inspirational thus far. i cannot wait to see the movie with jordana and sit in awe of julia roberts and how much she rocks! if anyone made a movie about me, julia roberts would play me; too bad she is WAY older than me and this would never happen. hmm or it would be so rad if emma watson played me. with an english accent because i've always wanted one
alas, i'm still here on the verge of tears, but i will sleep them off and my dreams will be good and tomorrow will be a new day.
